An Honest Look at Anxiety

This morning during my quiet time I made a list of some of the things I'm anxious about for our time in Zambia.  I figured if I write it all out it would be easier to pray through those worries and have a visible reminder of how God answers those prayers over time.  As I read over my list I started noticing a pattern.  All the fears I have stem from an ultimate heart issue of not trusting in God's sovereignty and not submitting all aspects of my life to him.

One big thing I worry about is not being useful in Africa and not being well-prepared for the work ahead of me.  I think maybe in some ways it's just hard to prepare myself to minister in the culture and context where we'll be.  Though Patrick and I have travelled a lot over the last few years, life in Mpulungu is going to be different from anywhere else in the world.  Really though, my anxiety about being useful is selfish.  I'm putting the focus on what I can do verses what God will do through me.  In our obedience to God's command to take the gospel to the unreached it's easy to put unnecessary burdens on ourselves and forget that God is in charge!  He has a plan, and there's no way I can mess that up.

As I'm writing this post I looked up at my bulletin board in my kitchen.  On my marker board I'd written out Isaiah 41:10 which says, "So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."  It's almost embarrassing that I've been staring at that verse for weeks and it still hasn't soaked in to my heart.  This verse holds a promise that I want to hang on to while we're away.  God isn't going to abandon me.  He's not going to roll his eyes when I mess up, or shrug his shoulders and give up on thinking that he can use me.  He will strengthen me and hold onto me and stretch me to make me more like his Son.  Instead of leaving me mired in worry and fear, he'll rescue me and show himself to be even more powerful than I could ever imagine.

When you have that kind of Truth on your side, what more is there to worry about?