I still can't wrap my mind around the fact that he is gone. None of this seems real yet. Maybe it never will. We all have so many questions swimming in our heads but one thing I know with absolute certainty is that even in the face of the greatest tragedy and pain God is with us. Not a moment has gone by when He has not been near. Not a tear has slipped down our cheeks that He hasn't counted. Not once have we cried out and He has turned a deaf ear. God doesn't stop being good simply because we walk through periods of suffering. I find myself leaning into God's goodness all the more since the news of Brian's death came barreling into my life. I find hope in the truth that I have a Savior who has suffered. God can relate to pain. He's been there. Done that. Conquered it.
My joy is in knowing that, while my heart breaks, there is coming a day when all pain and suffering will be forgotten, as Jesus himself wipes away every tear from our eyes. I don't know how many days I have left on this earth, and I know that every one of them has been permanently marked by my brother's death. But I also know that a day is coming when Jesus will make all things new. The temporary pain of this world stirs in us a longing for something more. We seem to know intrinsically that heartache and pain is unnatural. Because it is. We move through a world wrecked by sin and it's our pain that points us heavenward. Our hearts cry out for our hurting selves to be restored, and that is the promise we have in Christ. One day our suffering will be redeemed and we will forever live in the light of His grace. No more death. No more tears. Praise God for giving us reason to hope.